I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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