WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
