And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
