You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
