I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
