Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
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