My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
