Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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