thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
