So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
