you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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