She is in my trunk
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
