if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
