She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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