I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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