every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
