Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
