I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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