There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
