One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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