How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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