Jerry, you need to find god
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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