There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
