Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
