i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
