I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
