I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
