Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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