I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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