Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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