Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
