I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
