look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
then he tried to convert me to islam
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
