dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
