My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I need moral support for this bender
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
