dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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