Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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