Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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