1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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