did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
