Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
