Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
