the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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