If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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