Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
There are leaves in my underwear?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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