Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
