Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize