Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize