so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
