So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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