If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
