Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
