We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
