i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
