I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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