Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
