Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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