My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm passing your future prison.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
