Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
