he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
