I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
