My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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