U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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