he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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