I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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