Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
